Monday, March 19, 2012

What I've Learned About Running (That I Should've Known)

1) People would rather see you model too-tight spandex running shorts than watch you surreptitiously wipe your nose on your sleeve because you forgot to bring tissue on your run.
2) Bugs adhere to sticky lip gloss.
3) You can not outrun dogs. Cross the street when you see one. Don't assume there is Invisible Fence. Or that the dog cares about Invisible Fence.
4) Not all sidewalks are even. If there is a tree planted close by, assume a part of the sidewalk has been raised by humongous roots. If you are clumsy, avoid the sidewalk and run on the tree lawn instead.
5) Not all cars stop to allow you to cross. Only the ones with nice people inside them. These people are likely to not be envious of your devotion to your health. Mean people hate anyone who unintentionally reminds them they are due for their checkup. And they haven't yet had their coffee.
6) If there is thunder rumbling in the distance, it will probably rain.
7) If the sky blackens quickly, it will probably rain.
8) If the forecast calls for rain, it will probably be sunny.
9) On windy days, your hat will fly off your head and you will spend an inordinate amount of time chasing after it.
10) People will gawk at you as they ride by in their cars. You may think this is because you look sexy in your workout clothes. It will really be because you look like you might pass out any second.

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